Neutralize Negative Interactions —June 8

SAGe (Self-Actualized Genius)—Learn More

June 8, 2025

Sunday SAGe Volume 38: Neutralize Negative Interactions

Here is this week’s installment of Sunday SAGe, an email communication that shares wellness inspiration from The Wellness Ethic to help people thrive during the coming week (and beyond!).

This week, our focus is on negative interactions in relationships.

Neutralize Negative Interactions

An excerpt from The Wellness Ethic:

In his book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” Dr. John M. Gottman identified four types of negative interactions between a couple: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. All four have the potential to stifle the love between two people if left unaddressed. Here’s a breakdown:

• Criticism: Criticism is the act of passing judgment, often by revealing perceived shortcomings in an action or behavior. It can be delivered constructively and compassionately, inspiring a spirit of cooperation in addressing the issue, or it can be communicated in a judgmental and demoralizing manner, creating a negative interaction. Examples (delivered poorly): You always screw things up. You should have known better. I can’t rely on you. You clearly don’t care. If I want something done right, I have to do it myself.

• Contempt: When a person feels contempt toward someone, they often show disgust and disrespect or act with an air of superiority. You may see eye-rolling or hear sarcasm and belittling comments. Contempt usually signifies a deeper issue in a relationship. Examples: You’ll never amount to anything. You’re so dumb. You disgust me. You’re incompetent. I wish I had never met you.

• Defensiveness: People who act defensively fail to take accountability for their actions. They tend to blame others, deny responsibility, and make excuses. The root cause of this behavior can be low self-esteem, insecurity, or the fear of being wrong or rejected. It can also result from how a person was spoken to during a conversation (harsh language can immediately put someone in a defensive posture). Examples: I didn’t do anything wrong; you screwed it up. I tried my best; you’re just being critical. Why do you always judge me? No one helped me—what did you expect? You’re too sensitive.

• Stonewalling: When someone stonewalls during a conflict, they withdraw or shut down. Telltale signs of stonewalling include avoiding eye contact, being silent, giving short answers to questions, showing indifference, or disengaging completely. Stonewalling prevents issues from being addressed and undermines emotional connection. Examples (if anything is even said): I won’t discuss this further. I don’t have to explain myself to you. I don’t care.

What It Means

When negative interactions occur, it is important that both parties engage in an open and respectful dialogue to understand the behavior, its root causes, and the impact on the relationship. Being vulnerable and sharing feelings during the discussion can lead to a breakthrough.

To bring emotions to the forefront, use phrasing like: “When you do [negative behavior], I feel [specific emotion].” That makes the negative behavior more personal. It shows that a real person is negatively impacted. It underscores the need for change.

Once the truth is understood, the focus can then turn to improving interactions moving forward.

Your Call to Action

Do you have any negative interactions in your relationships? What can you do better with your communication approach to create more positive interactions? Do you need to provide constructive feedback to someone in your life to improve your interactions with them?

Effective communication is a two-way street. Usually, both parties have opportunities to improve their communication style. Take action today to bring more positivity in your interactions with others.

Have a positive week!